When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.