I am no more humble than my talents require.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.
You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)
I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.