You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.