Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?

An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.