Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)