All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.