Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.

In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.

Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with.

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.