I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.

If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?

Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself-and possibly teh bogey man.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.