In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

On the issue of inflation, I think I could solve it no matter how much money it took.

Sex doesn't have to be taught. It's something most of us are born with.