In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.

Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.

We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!