I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.

In conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is.

Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.

It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.

Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.