Hypocrisy is annoying but not evil. Someone who says one thing and does another has doubled their chances of being half right.

One thing you learn doing magic tricks for a living is how close every performance of every magic trick is to disaster. There are no robust magic tricks. They're all hanging from a thread - sometimes literally.

I've never had a drink of alcohol or any drug in my life.

I don't think I'm made of the right stuff to be a politician. I think I'm made to be a loose cannon.

This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need.

I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice.

It wasn't success, because Teller and I, by the time Asparagus Valley got together - within a year, we had achieved all our goals. I mean, our goal was to earn our living doing exactly what we wanted. Which is many people's goal.