self-pity is better than none.
I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.
The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?.
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.