Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.

On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.

I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.