Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .