My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.