My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.