My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

You want to look younger... rent smaller children.