Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

All mothers are working mothers.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.