All mothers are working mothers.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.