I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.