... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.