When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.