I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.
[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.
Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.