I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.