Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.