When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.