You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.