My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.