I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

You want to look younger... rent smaller children.