I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.