It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle