Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.