If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.