Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.