Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.