Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.