It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.