They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.