Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.