Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.