A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.