Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.