Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'