I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.