[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis DillerI remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."
Phyllis DillerChoose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis DillerOne [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!
Phyllis DillerThe constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.
Phyllis Diller