Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.