The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.