The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."