When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.