Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.