Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.