Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.