Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.