I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.