Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.