Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!