... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."