... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Comedy is tragedy revisited.

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.