I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.