My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.