Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.