My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

You want to look younger... rent smaller children.

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.