I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.