Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.