Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.