They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
Phyllis DillerMy husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis DillerHave the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis DillerA friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.
Phyllis Diller