I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.