When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.