Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?