Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.